Unencumbered Life: Inner Healing

Showing posts with label Inner Healing. Show all posts

Sunday, December 8, 2019

Unconditional Love

Unconditional love, what is it? Do you give unconditional love? Does your love have strings attached to it?

How do you know you have unconditional love? The love you have, do you have to do anything for it? Does anyone have to do anything for you for your love?

What is the meaning of unconditional love?

Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations, or love without conditions. This term is sometimes associated with other terms such as true altruism or complete love.

Unconditional love - Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org › wiki › Unconditional_love

If you have to do anything to receive love or if anyone has to do anything to receive love from you, that's not unconditional love. Unconditional love just flows from you & excepts nothing in return. It's a pure love.

Pure love that flows from you to all people no matter the color, gender, age, behavior (doesn't mean you agree with the behavior, just that you still love the person), or anything else that makes up people.

Unconditional love does not stop because we can not see eye to eye on the same subject matter. It's ok to disagree & still get along, "The root of unconditional love is understanding and forgiveness", (https://www.quora.com/What-are-some-examples-of-unconditional-love). Another example is found in the Bible, Jesus. Jesus gave unconditional love to every person in every town.

I pray that you have unconditional love & it flows through you freely!

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Sunday, November 17, 2019

Solace

Solace is define as:

"comfort in sorrow, misfortune, or trouble; alleviation of distress or discomfort.

something that gives comfort, consolation, or relief" (from https://www.dictionary.com/browse/solace)

Where do you find solace? Where does your peace come from? With the Holiday season coming up fast, what is your solace?

Here's a song from Living Color called "Solace of You" https://youtu.be/vIUke0CCvDs

In the Bible, Kings James Verse, speaks of solace in only one verse, it's

Proverbs 7:18

"Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves."
So God wants us to take solace with each other.

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Sunday, November 18, 2018

Ectopic Pregnanacy Number 2

What I'm about to share with you is very personal. I don't know many women who have had an ectopic pregnancy & talks about what they went through. I know I talked about the first ectopic pregnancy I went through with only a hand full of people. Not everyone knows what it is like to have one, thank God for that. I would like to share what I went through, so just may be, if someone else has gone through this or going through this may have some form of comfort & healing.

   A little back ground on me, getting pregnant has always been a challenge. It lead me on an emotional roller coaster. Doctors had no answer why I was having such a problem.   After all my first born was a honey moon baby.   Had a miscarriage between my oldest & youngest. Yes, I only have 2 children but had 5 pregnancies. There is a 6 year difference between my children.    After my second child, my husband had cancer & we did not know if we could even get pregnant after the cancer & the treatment for it. It was all unknown.

   Six years after the cancer, we got pregnant!!! We were so happy! Cloud nine!!!! Something that we started to think would not happen, due to the cancer/ treatment for it & whatever was going on with me.    Sad to say that joy was only a week long.    I started spotting & it all went down hill from there. I was put on bed rest. My worst enemy, bed rest. At that point we all were trying not to have a miscarriage happen. Little did we know it was ectopic. I never had an ectopic pregnancy before.

As the the story unfolds, I was in the hospital being told it was ectopic & there is nothing that can be done to save the baby. Now, they need to save me. Many tears, sorrow, heartache, disbelief that it was happening, betrayal & anger.

I was so anger at my body for not functioning right. I felt so betrayed by my body. How could it do this after how much we tried to get pregnant. We wanted this child & my body didn't put the egg where it needed to be. It didn't just kill my child but almost killed me. This was my feelings & thinking.

Besides the long road of physical healing, I had emotional healing to do to.   I had a great loving support system around me.   But I was in my own personal hell of long road to recovery.   I tried to let my body deal with the ectopic pregnancy on its own.   That added to the length of recovery.   Then my body went into a false pregnancy which added another level of emergency to my health. Had to go to the hospital & have my body get a chemo shot to wipe out everything & have my body reset itself.    Just to give me more frustration at my body for not working the way it should. Now healing is going to take even a longer time.

Fast forward, I healed physically & emotionally.   Built my body back up. Moving forward.   I came less mad at my body.   As more time went on I came to be at peace with my body.   I still feel sorrow for the baby that did not make it. My heart will ache for the baby.   I believe that is normal, I'm a mother that lost a child. My heart will be sad & ache for that child.

Now six years later after that whole ordeal, I'm in my mid 40's, husband had a head injury during the past six years, we wanted another baby, but not sure if it would even happen at this point.    Well it did happen.

We had even less time to rejoice over the pregnancy.    We found out in the morning I was pregnant. We knew that since the ectopic happen once that there was a chance it could happen again. So I called the doctor's right away. They wanted to check my hormones for the level to be 2000 before they would do ultrasound to see where the baby might be. We were praying for it to be in the right spot. They had me come in right away for the blood test.

I cried all the way the to the doctor's office. I did not want it to be another ectopic pregnancy & I did not want to be poked with needles. I hate needles!!!! I pulled it together to get the blood test done.    I'm now going to be poked till we get answers. I cried all the way home.   Thank God the test results will be known in two hours.

My results came in at 4000!!!!!!!!!   By the afternoon, I started bleeding & my side hurt. The doctor wanted me in asap!!! They need to do the ultrasound right away. That afternoon I had an appointment.   As the day went on, the bleeding was getting heavier. By the time I got to the doctor office, I knew this was another ectopic pregnancy.

The ultrasound confirmed what I feared was true.   I had to have emergency surgery.   I got to the doctor's office by 3pm, by 6pm that night, I was having surgery to save my life.   My head was spinning from how fast everything was going & had to go.   Not much time to think, process everything that was happening. Race was on!

Please keep in mind, I had a great support system from family & friends through this whole process. I was not alone going through this.   The medical team at the doctor's office & hospital took good care of me, also.

Now after surgery, in the recovery room, I felt the worst pain in my belly. Good news, my side did not hurt anymore or will ever hurt again. I had to have that fallopian tube removed, it was broken. But they had to also do a D&C, which I did not have the first time around. And they had to fill my stomach area with air so they can look around for any other damage. Thank God there was none. But now I have 3 like stab wounds on my belly to heal. The side area, was sore & tender same with my lower belly area but I did not realize the lower belly till a few days after. The area of the belly button, PAIN!!!!!   Pain like I never had before.   I never really thought about my belly button in my life, until now.

My body will heal, it's great like that. It will take time to heal but it will heal.    Let's talk about the emotions.

The week after the surgery, I had time to process what just happened. I was starting to hurt less physically. I had many tears roll down my face while my husband held me. I was sad that it was another ectopic pregnancy, frustrated it happened again, mad at my body for doing it again, sorrow from the lost of the life, relieved I didn't die, then guilt for feeling relieved.    Then the big emotion of feeling violated from the D&C.    Some of you might not understand the last one. It's ok, you don't have to.

I talked with my husband about all my emotions & cried through all of them while he held me.   I am very grateful that I let him in on how I was feeling & he was there to just hold me.   He was dealing with his own emotions & taking care of me. I had friends to talk to about my emotions & they listened & supported me, family was there too!! I had a great support team.   I'm forever grateful for them all.

On top of all that, my hormones went from 4000 to 49 in a week. That was not fun. I has coming off heavy pain pills, hormones dropped like a rock & dealing with the emotions & physical healing. Thank God for the support team I had, they carried me through it.   One day I was paranoid, of what not a clue, but it was giving me panic attacks. I felt so crazy, but it was "normal" for what I was going through.

Since my hormone level was not at zero I had to go back in a week to draw more blood. Gotta keep a close eye on the hormone level. Did not want another false pregnancy. Next week blood draw was 4.4!!!!! Are you kidding me!!!!! I had to go back for another blood draw.    It was closer to zero, but not at zero. But it was close enough for the doctors to feel I was in the clear & did not need to go back for another blood draw or another D&C. Thank God!!!!   No more needles.   Let the rejoicing begin!!!!!

Here's another little detail to add, I was dealing with low iron in a big way before the pregnancy & the surgery. I was working on building that up.   After all that I have a bit of a set back with that. But pushing forward!!!   That will be rebuilt in time.    Did I mention, I have really bad sleep apnea & the pain pills added to it & made it really hard to breathe.   I could not lay down & not have my breathing machine on, that was oddly scary.

Many different journey's all at once.   But with a great support team to help carry me through I was able to make it. God placed each one of the people who helped me in one shape or another to carry me through this journey.    I had a wonderful doctor take time a week after the surgery to answer all my questions & explain what happen to my body. He went to grab a medical book to show me pictures so I could understand better. I'm so grateful! I was one of the few that got an answer why the ectopic pregnancy happen. Normally it is unknown.

Sad to say not many ladies have the closer to know why their body acted like it did. My tube was not working right from the time I was developing in my mom's belly.   The other tube is running just fine I was told.   That is good news!   There is no answer why it did not develop normally during the time it should of, it just happened.

My emotions of betrayal & anger just melted away with the facts the doctor share with me. My body did not betray me. It was just broke in that area.   None of the emotions were wrong that I felt during this.    So much healing was had in a flash of a moment, from truth.

One of the big questions my husband & I now faced, was did we want to have another child?   With much taking with each other, looking at the facts before us was a journey in itself.     If we did not want to have more children what were we going to do about it?   So much more for us to walk out.


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Sunday, October 21, 2018

Gracious

To be gracious, what does that mean? Can it be taught/learned? Are some just born with it? We all want others to be gracious towards our self, are we gracious to others? Is it a level of maturity?

   This word gracious started me to think about what it meant.   Do I have a complete understanding of what the word means? I thought I did. But as I dug around looking at what that word meant, I was surprised.   Made me start to wonder if anyone really knows what the word means.    I think we have a small understanding of what it means.

   As I dug, looking into the the meaning of this word, I found 4 different meanings to it. I was surprised by this.   First surprise was that the Christian culture has a different meaning to it than the rest of the world. Second surprise is that the rest of the world had 3 descriptions of the word.   Finding this out makes it clear why there is so much dysfunction in communication with each other in this world. If everyone has different meanings to what words are, how can anyone understand what the other is saying???!!! Ok, rant done, back to the post.

   I would like to encourage you to do your own digging of gracious & what it means. Then see which definition you want to live by & then line yourself up to that. Also next time you & another person might disagree on something or even start to communicate with each, think about it, are you speaking the same language??

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Sunday, September 30, 2018

Hole

Let's imagine when we are born we all start at zero or a flat line. As we grow, learn different things & our parents pour into us life giving lessons that will make us into the adults we are today. That would be an upper-ward climb on the hill of life & who we are or zero starts becoming positive growing numbers.

Sometimes we don't get what we need at different stages in life & that would make a deposit in the negative or make a hole in us. Life comes with different problems for us to face & that can make more of a hole in us or help us climb the hill of life.

If you are taught to give & not receive or to put others first & not to tend to yourself, that could add to the negative or the hole. If you have relationships that you are life giving & not receiving life back, that feeds the negative/hole. How can we stop feeding the negative, stop digging the hole?

Some of us don't realize we are standing in the negative or a hole, because that is where you have been all your life. Some may see their in the hole but don't know how to get out. It can feel like waves crashing on us repeatedly & you can not get firm footing to stand to move.

If you are in a hole & want out, contact me, I can help point you out of the hole.

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Sunday, September 23, 2018

Offense

This post will not have a beautiful picture of nature. This post is addressing the pattern that has happened since Religion has began.
You read your Bible, go to church, have your Bible Study groups & volunteer your time at a soup kitchen, food pantry or thrift shop. You may even have the desire to go out into the community or other places in the world to spread the knowledge of who God is.    Okay, stop right there.   All that stuff is wonderful, not knocking any of those actions there.   None of it is wrong.   But if you go out into the community or the world to spread God's word or get others to turn from their wicked ways & come to the good side, then look at them & be offend of what they do, say or believe, just stop. Go back home & read up on how Jesus interacted with people. Jesus did not look down on the people. He came for them to know His Father & His Fathers love. He did not reject them because they did not live a perfect life.

If you are going out spreading the Word but are looking down on the people you are "helping". Just stop!! No one is receiving God's love from you. You actions are to make you feel good & you to build up yourself, that's not God's Word.   That's you using God's Word for your own purpose.

Instead study how Jesus walked out His days going town to town. He came to show God's love & who His Father is. Not to build followers. Jesus did not go town to town looking for needy people to "help" so He would feel good about what He is doing or to feel good about Himself. It was never about Him. It was all about His Father & His Fathers love for each person in each town.

If you go out to build yourself up, your building your kingdom not God's Kingdom.    If you are doing this & want to stop & need some help stopping the pattern, contact me.

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Sunday, September 16, 2018

Handshakes

Yes, Handshakes. I may be a female & some males might be thinking "What does she know about hand shakes?!" I may not know everything about them, but what I do known is apart of the core of them. I'm married, have sons, have brothers, a dad & uncles. Plus my own two eyes to taken in & watch others around me.

This is what I have gathered over the years. Females are not required to shake hands. But males are.   A handshake speaks louder than words & it will be the first impression about who you are. Lots of pressure with a simple handshake.

My husband has taught my sons about handshakes.   My youngest son makes it a point to shake peoples hand when he meets them & when he leaves. My family was at wedding & they met new folks. People have remarked on the firm handshake my youngest gives.   The same remark was given again. But one guy asked my son, "How was his hand shake?"   My young son stopped, looked at him & leaned towards me & asked me, "What do I do, it was not good?"   I told him to give the truth. So he did.   The guy also told my son, he can handle the truth. This got me thinking, why are there firm handshakes & not so good ones.

Reasons for a firm handshake: confidence. A person has confidence in themselves.    They were taught to give firm handshake.   Reasons for a not so good hand shake: lack of confidence in self, lack of info on a firm handshake. Are the dads not in the picture to teach & pass down information to their sons? Men are the ones to truly teach on handshakes. I'm not saying I know all on the subject. I also know that handshakes have a fine line of a firm one & the squeeze & hurt the person. The one that goes over the fine line of firm speaks about the person giving more than the one receiving.

I rejoice in the fact I don't have to take part in handshakes. I like having the options, to take part or not. In different cultures things are done different, I get that. Not passing judgement on anyone about their cultures or handshakes. I just want you to think about your self confidence level & what message you are putting out in front of you. Is it one describing who you are?

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Sunday, September 9, 2018

Journey vs Path

Journey vs Path.... what is the difference between them? They do sound like they would be the same thing. Everyone has been on/going on/ is on a journey. We all have been on/going on/ is on a path.

   The difference between both is that one is wide open & the other is more structured.   How do you tell the difference on which one you are on?

Journey is to see if you have the heart to do more than the bare minimum.   Journey is something you are on to see if you will make choices to go further. A journey is a passage from place to another.

   A path is marked out already, a way that is formed by repeated footsteps.    A path has been traveled before by someone or by you, a track constructed for a use. You still make choices, but you can see a pathway after your choice.

   We all go down both during our lives. Where are you now, journey or path? If you need help with either one, contact me.

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Sunday, September 2, 2018

Flower vs Weed

Flower vs Weed.... what are the difference that makes it one or the other? Who decides what is what? What is the purpose of a flower or a weed? In the Bible it talks about flowers more than weeds.

A flower is seen as value, beauty, enjoyment & is wanted. A weed you see as useless, bothersome, a pain to get rid of & not much value. Do we view people the same way as a flower or a weed?

A flower & a weed has simpler life cycle: seed, growth, bloom & wither away to start all over. Both have their own seasons. Both have their own reason for growth.

In the Bible the flower is used more than a weed. The flower is described as life, beauty, decorations in different structures on the Tabernacle. A weed is described as just a plant, it is just there. Do you want to be a flower or a weed?

A flower is the state of a bloom or flourishing, to develop & has value. A weed is a plant that tends to overgrow or choke out more desirable plants. How are you being a flower in the world? Or are you a weed?

If you find yourself more like a weed & want to be more like a flower in the world, contact me.

If what I offer here is relevant to you in any way, please consider donating. As I tend to my family (disabled hubby and homeschooled kids) I write in my free time. No knitting here but I love Taco Bell now and then and your donations help keep the spicy food coming. Every donation is appreciated!!!

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Sunday, January 21, 2018

True You

The true you.........do you even know that person or did you get buried or not even found? Are you living with what you think you would like to be? Are you just a shell & are empty on the inside? Do you lack confidence to be you? Were you told not to be who you are?

Not knowing who we are can leave us with a lack of confidence & a ton of questions & may lead us down the wrong path in life, when all you are trying to do is just fit in somewhere.

Once you are walking in your true self & knowing who you are, you will have more self confidence. Being in-line with your true self can give you a new flow with life. Even relationships will be different. Life in general will look & be different. You may even feel free. When we are not walking in our true self, it can feel like we are being oppressed, a heavy burden is keeping us locked down.

I would love to help you find your true self.

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Sunday, January 14, 2018

Music

Music can create feelings/emotions/bring back memories/be a building spot for memories/bring you to worship/give words when you had none. Music is a very powerful thing. It can bring to peace or rise you to war.   What does music do for you?

We all have that song or a couple that speaks to us, move us, help us find words, brought us to tears, or help us express how we feel towards one another. Music can be a powerful tool.

With all the different styles, bands, "old school" vs new, etc., there is something for everyone. This is not about religious music verse worldly music, or what is better than another.    But let's look at the emotions/feelings/thoughts/words that you are having that is stirred up from the music. What is locked down deep with in us? Music can be a key to those things. Don't be scared not everything deep down in us is "bad".

Sometimes ourselves are locked deep down. Are you in touch with yourself, true self? Do you know your true self? Have you been ever told not to be yourself or let anyone know who you are truly?

If you are not your true self & like to be, I can help.

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Sunday, January 7, 2018

Pride & Arrogance

This post goes a long with "High Horse" post.   It's about how we present ourselves around other people.   Do you get along with others or do you have conflicts with others, a lot?   This might be because of pride/arrogance/high horse attitude we carry.   No body likes to be around a person that carries those personality traits.

Pride is linked to our ego. It is satisfaction of our own abilities & possessions. Pride is an unhealthy view of our own gifts & abilities. It rejects criticism.   Please don't get confused by thinking I'm saying it is unhealthy to have self confidence. Self confidence is very healthy. There is a fine line between self confidence & pride. We must be careful not to cross that fine line. Self confidence is a healthy view of one's own gifts & abilities, it can take criticism & uses it to better themselves.

Arrogance is an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or presumptuous claims or assumptions.   Arrogance is undesirable traits as being disagreeable, aggressive, having low or brittle self-esteem & prone to shame.   Arrogance tries to protect your own ego, self -worth, hide insecurities, lack of confidence & fear of rejection. It is also often associated with narcissistic personality disorder. People with this disorder have intense, unstable emotions & a distorted self-image.   The opposite of arrogance is humility. Humility is being free from pride/arrogance/high horse. Don't be a door mat, humility with self-confidence is the right balance.

With the information given here, you may be able to relate, a pattern might be starting to show here. Wounds can be healed.   Skills can be learned to grow in areas that we struggle in.   Sometimes we need help from other people to grow or receive healing in areas.

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Sunday, December 10, 2017

Standing In Judgement

Do you stand in judgement over someone? How is that going for ya? Do you see & feel a healthy relationship growing between you & that person? Are you having trouble "helping" a person be better? Are you just trying to help someone & all there is more trouble?

Did the person you are standing in judgement over ask you to judge them? Did they ask for your opinion over/in their lives? Or did you just give it? Are you standing in judgement over someone because you care about them or does it make you feel better?

What is in your heart for that person you are standing in judgement? Is your judgement really helping or just driving more of a wedge between you? So is standing in judgement really working?

How do you want to change the way you are doing things? Did you really want to have a relationship with that person? So you really want to help this person? Or are you just doing what you do to feel better about yourself? What is the reason for your actions? Are you on a high horse?

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Sunday, December 3, 2017

Freedom VS Slavery

To start with, here are some Bible verses to think about.

Bible verse on it-

Freedom:

1 Corinthians 7:22 (NIV)" For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord’s freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ’s slave."-refers to spiritual & natural freeman.

Slavery:

Leviticus 19:20(KJV)

" And whosoever lieth carnally with a woman, that is a bondmaid, betrothed to an husband, and not at all redeemed, nor freedom given her; she shall be scourged; they shall not be put to death, because she was not free."

Definition of each one-

Freedom from Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

1 :the quality or state of being free: such as

a :the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action

b :liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another :independence

c :the quality or state of being exempt or released usually from something onerous

freedom from care

d :ease, facility

spoke the language with freedom

e :the quality of being frank, open, or outspoken

answered with freedom

f :improper familiarity

g :boldness of conception or execution

h :unrestricted use

2 a :a political right

b :franchise, privilege

Slavery from Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

1 :drudgery, toil

2 :submission to a dominating influence

3 a :the state of a person who is a chattel of another

b :the practice of slaveholding

Now ask yourself which one do you live by? Are you living like a slave or walking in freedom?

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