Communication

   Communication is a very important key in relationships.   Think about it, even if a person does not have the ability to verbally speak, there is Sign Language to aide in communication!!  Sign Language  was created before texting & any other tech stuff was created to help speak for those who can not.      

  The song written by Paul Simon, "The Sound of Silence", has a verse in it that real drives home what is happening with communication today, 
 ".....Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share....".    People want to be heard but are not listening to each other.   People are so bent on being heard & being right, people are stop listening to what the other person is saying.    When the ears & hearts of the people close, communication dies.   

   Without communication there is no forward motion in relationships or the world!  To be in communication with each other does not mean you have to agree with everything the other person is saying, thinking or feeling.   Just hear them out.   They might surprise ya with something.  Who knows what they are saying just might help out with what you are saying.   


I pray for better communication in your relationships & through out the world.  

If what I offer here is relevant to you in any way, please consider donating. As I tend to my family (disabled hubby and homeschooled kids) I write in my free time. No knitting here but I love Taco Bell now and then and your donations help keep the spicy food coming. Every donation is appreciated!!!

Donations are not tax deductible.

Ectopic Pregnanacy Number 2

     What I'm about to share with you is very personal.   I don't know many women who have had an ectopic pregnancy & talks about what they went through.   I know I talked about the first ectopic pregnancy I went through with only a hand full of people.    Not everyone knows what it is like to have one, thank God for that.   I would like to share what I went through, so just may be, if someone else has gone through this or going through this may have some form of comfort & healing. 
   

   A little back ground on me, getting pregnant has always been a challenge.  It lead me on an emotional roller coaster.  Doctors had no answer why I was having such a problem.   After all my first born was a honey moon baby.   Had a miscarriage between my oldest & youngest.   Yes, I only have 2 children  but had 5 pregnancies.  There is a 6 year difference between my children.    After my second child, my husband had cancer & we did not know if we could even get pregnant after the cancer & the treatment for it.   It was all unknown.   

   Six years after the cancer, we got pregnant!!!   We were so happy!  Cloud nine!!!!  Something that we started to think  would not happen, due to the cancer/ treatment for it & whatever was going on with me.    Sad to say that joy was only a week long.    I started spotting & it all went down hill from there.   I was put on bed rest.  My worst enemy, bed rest.   At that point we all were trying not to have a miscarriage happen.  Little did we know it was ectopic.  I never had an ectopic pregnancy before.   

  As the the story unfolds, I was in the hospital being told it was ectopic & there is nothing that can be done to save the baby.   Now, they need to save me.   Many tears, sorrow, heartache,  disbelief that it was happening, betrayal & anger.    
  
  I was so anger at my body for not functioning right.  I felt so betrayed by my body.   How could it do this after how much we tried to get pregnant.   We wanted this child & my body didn't put the egg where it needed to be.   It didn't just kill my child but almost killed me.   This was my feelings & thinking.   

  Besides the long road of physical healing, I had emotional  healing to do to.   I had a great loving support system around me.   But I was in my own personal hell of long road to recovery.   I tried to let my body deal with the ectopic pregnancy on its own.   That added to the length of recovery.   Then my body went into a false pregnancy which added another level of emergency to my health.  Had to go to the hospital & have my body get a chemo shot to wipe out everything & have my body reset itself.    Just to give me more frustration at my body for not working the way it should.  Now healing is going to take even a longer time.

  Fast forward, I healed physically & emotionally.   Built my body back up.  Moving forward.   I came less mad at my body.   As more time went on I came to be at peace with my body.   I still feel sorrow for the baby that did not make it.  My heart will ache for the baby.   I believe that is normal,  I'm a mother that lost a child.  My heart will be sad & ache for that child.   

  Now six years later after that whole ordeal,  I'm in my mid 40's, husband had a head injury during the past six years, we wanted another baby, but not sure if it would even happen at this point.    Well it did happen.   

  We had even less time to rejoice over the pregnancy.    We found out in the morning I was pregnant.  We knew that since the ectopic happen once that there was a chance it could happen again.   So I called the doctor's right away.  They wanted to check my hormones for the level to be 2000 before they would do ultrasound to see  where the baby might be.  We were praying for it to be in the right spot.   They had me come in right away for the blood test.     
  
  I cried all the way the to the doctor's office.   I did not want it to be another ectopic pregnancy & I did not want to be poked with needles.  I hate needles!!!!  I pulled it together to get the blood test done.    I'm now going to be poked till we get answers.   I cried all the way home.   Thank God the test results will be known in two hours.   
  
  My results came in at 4000!!!!!!!!!   By the afternoon, I started bleeding & my side hurt.  The doctor wanted me in asap!!!  They need to do the ultrasound right away.  That afternoon I had an appointment.   As the day went on, the bleeding was getting heavier.  By the time I got to the doctor office, I knew this was another ectopic pregnancy.  

  The ultrasound confirmed what I feared was true.   I had to have emergency  surgery.   I got to the doctor's office by 3pm,  by 6pm that night, I was having surgery to save my life.   My head was spinning from how fast everything was going & had to go.   Not much time to think, process everything that was happening.  Race was on!

  Please keep in mind, I had a great support system from family & friends through this whole process.  I was not alone going through this.   The medical team at the doctor's office & hospital took good care of me, also.

  Now after surgery, in the recovery room,  I felt the worst pain in my belly.  Good news, my side did not hurt anymore or will ever hurt again.  I had to have that fallopian tube removed,  it was broken.  But they had to also do a D&C, which I did not have the first time around.  And they had to fill my stomach area with air so they can look around for any other damage.  Thank God there was none.   But now I have 3 like stab wounds on my belly to heal.   The side area,  was sore & tender same with my lower belly area but I did not realize the lower belly till a few days after.  The area of the belly button, PAIN!!!!!   Pain like I never had before.   I never really thought about my belly button in my life, until now.   

  My body will heal,  it's great like that.  It will take time to heal but it will heal.    Let's talk about the emotions.  

  The week after the surgery, I had time to process what just happened.   I was starting to hurt less physically.   I had many tears roll down my face while my husband held me.   I was sad that it was another ectopic pregnancy, frustrated it happened again, mad at my body for doing it again, sorrow from the lost of the life, relieved I didn't die, then guilt for feeling relieved.    Then the big emotion of feeling violated from the D&C.    Some of you might not understand the last one.  It's ok,  you don't have to.   

  I talked with my husband about all my emotions & cried through all of them while he held me.   I  am very grateful that I let him in on how I was feeling & he was there to just hold me.   He was dealing with his own emotions & taking care of me.   I had friends to talk to about my emotions & they listened & supported me, family was there too!!  I had a great support team.   I'm forever grateful for them all.  

  On top of all that, my hormones went from 4000 to 49 in a week.   That was not fun.   I has coming off heavy pain pills, hormones dropped like a rock & dealing with the emotions & physical healing.  Thank God for the support team I had, they carried me through it.   One day I was paranoid, of what not a clue, but it was giving me panic attacks.  I felt so crazy, but it was "normal" for what I was going through.  

  Since my hormone level was not at zero I had to go back in a week to draw more blood.   Gotta keep a close eye on the hormone level.  Did not want another false pregnancy.    Next week blood draw was 4.4!!!!!  Are you kidding me!!!!!  I had to go back for another blood draw.    It was closer to zero, but not at zero. But it was close enough for the doctors to feel I was in the clear & did not need to go back for another blood draw or another D&C.   Thank God!!!!   No more needles.   Let the rejoicing begin!!!!!

  Here's another little detail to add,  I was dealing with low iron in a big way before the pregnancy & the surgery.  I was working on building that up.   After all that I have a bit of a set back with that.  But pushing forward!!!   That will be rebuilt in time.    Did I mention, I have really bad sleep apnea & the pain pills added to it & made it really hard to breathe.   I could not lay down & not have my breathing machine on, that was oddly scary.    

  Many different journey's all at once.   But with a great support team to help carry me through I was able to make it.  God placed each one of the people who helped me in one shape or another to carry me through this journey.    I had a wonderful doctor take time a week after the surgery to answer all my questions & explain what happen to my body.  He went to grab a medical book to show me pictures so I could understand better.  I'm so grateful!   I was one of the few that got an answer why the ectopic pregnancy happen.  Normally it is unknown.   

  Sad to say not many ladies have the closer to know why their body acted like it did.  My tube was not working right from the time I was developing in my mom's belly.   The other tube is running just fine I was told.   That is good news!   There is no answer why it did not develop normally during the time it should of, it just happened.   

  My emotions of betrayal & anger just melted away with the facts the doctor share with me.   My body did not betray me.  It was just broke in that area.   None of the emotions were wrong that I felt during this.    So much healing was had in a flash of a moment, from truth.   

  One of the big questions my husband & I now faced, was did we want to have another child?   With much taking with each other, looking at the facts before us was a journey in itself.     If we did not want to have more children what were we going to do about it?   So much more for us to walk out.   
  

If what I offer here is relevant to you in any way, please consider donating. As I tend to my family (disabled hubby and homeschooled kids) I write in my free time. No knitting here but I love Taco Bell now and then and your donations help keep the spicy food coming. Every donation is appreciated!!!

Donations are not tax deductible.

Covenants

    In a world that consumes & throws away,  when stuff is not made to last, how does that effect us?  I did some digging about divorce rate.  I found that divorce rate was on an upper climb but in recent years it was slowly come down.   Which is good!!  I was afraid to see that it was going to be at an all time high, thank God it was not.   Gave me a little more hope about the world.    Like the fire in the picture,  lots of darkness with a a bursting of light.

   As I dug for facts I, came across a a web site, ( https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/), they had some interesting information.   Here are a few points I would like to share: divorce rates are about 40-50% of married couples in U.S.,  that is with them on a slowly climb down.   Reason for divorce: Lack of commitment, argue too much, infidelity, married to young, unrealistic expectations, lack of equality in the relationship, lack of preparation of the marriage & abuse.   Some marriages had multiples of the list that were causes for the marriages to end.  Believe it or not abuse was the lesser percentage for reasons for ending a marriage.  I was a bit surprised by that.  I thought that would be at the top.   What does this all say about us as people on how we view marriage/relationships?  

   Do we leave at the first sign of a problem?   Are we lacking the ability to communicate with each other?  Are we not valuing the covenant of marriage?    Do we know how to make things last?  For the record, if you are in an abuse relationship get help right away!!!   Safety first!!!!   But the other stuff seems to me stuff that can be worked out.   

   Find married people who are happy in their marriage & ask them how they are happy & what are they doing to stay together when things get rough.  

If what I offer here is relevant to you in any way, please consider donating. As I tend to my family (disabled hubby and homeschooled kids) I write in my free time. No knitting here but I love Taco Bell now and then and your donations help keep the spicy food coming. Every donation is appreciated!!!

Donations are not tax deductible.

Desire

  Desire..... what do we know about it?   It could be something as simple as having an deep longing of something, a want or a wish.   

  What do you desire?  Do you have a list of things that you desire to do, go, have or see?  What is your plan to achieve your desires?  Do any of your desires conflict with each other?   That is ok.  I would try not to go for or do them at them same time.   If you need help building a list, contact me.

If what I offer here is relevant to you in any way, please consider donating. As I tend to my family (disabled hubby and homeschooled kids) I write in my free time. No knitting here but I love Taco Bell now and then and your donations help keep the spicy food coming. Every donation is appreciated!!!

Donations are not tax deductible.

More on Adam & Eve

  Let's just jump into it!!   In the Bible, God created Adam & Eve. First God created the world then Adam to tend to the world then created Eve.    God created Adam capable to run the world all by himself.   Adam had everything he need to do so.   God created Eve so Adam was not lonely & they could mate to make more of their kind, just like the rest of creation.  

   Eve was not created to save Adam from being over worked or tell him what to do.  Eve was created for a sole purpose.  Eve was not Adam's savior from the world.    Adam was made complete to run the world without extra help from Eve.   

  Ladies look at your relationship with your guy.   Are you over stepping your bounds, thinking you are "helping out"?   God created your guy to be able to handle it all!   Review how you are doing things. Are you slowing down your guy by doing it all for him?  If you need help reviewing yourself, contact me.

If what I offer here is relevant to you in any way, please consider donating. As I tend to my family (disabled hubby and homeschooled kids) I write in my free time. No knitting here but I love Taco Bell now and then and your donations help keep the spicy food coming. Every donation is appreciated!!!

Donations are not tax deductible.

Marriage, The Wife's Part

Wives are you happy with your marriage?   Does it need to be improvements in area's?  This is not about changing what the hubby is doing.   Just let that go.   Let's look at what we are doing as wives & address that.    Let's jump on in to some things to get us thinking what can we do different.  I hope the picture helps you relax as you jump in.

We will be looking at sowing & reaping.  To sow is to put in & to reap is was you get from after you have sown.  Very simple principle that can do great things.    You are doing the sowing & the reaping, not lets see what I can get my hubby to do different.   Ladies, leave the poor guy a lone.   He's got guy stuff to do.  

Look at what you want to have done different, is it more date nights with your hubby, more quality time with him at home, more communication with him or do you feel your not on the same page as him & want to change that?   Whatever your goal is, let's look at what you are doing now that is not getting the results that you want & stop doing them.   Let's look on how you can sow better things to reap better fruit.  When we are applying the sowing & reaping principle, do not look for the fast change. Some times it might take a season or so to get the fruit.   Have patience with yourself & what you are doing.  

Let's look at ourselves some more.  Are you taking care of you?  Eating healthy, exercises, getting out with the lady friends, building into the the family relationships outside of you & him & each other's friends?  Remember the times of dating each other & talking about it!!  Drop old issues, holding on to past pain & rough times kills the future joy.  How many nice loving words have you said towards him in a day?  Holding hands much?  Are you showing him respect?  Have you said thank you to him today?   Stop picking out ever little thing he does that is making you crazy!!  Doing that is killing your relationship.  You would not like it if the shoe was on the other foot.  

If you would like more help with this, please contact me.  Blessings on your path for a stronger, healthier marriage!!

If what I offer here is relevant to you in any way, please consider donating. As I tend to my family (disabled hubby and homeschooled kids) I write in my free time. No knitting here but I love Taco Bell now and then and your donations help keep the spicy food coming. Every donation is appreciated!!!

Donations are not tax deductible.

Marriage Part 2

Marriage is difficult if the foundation for it is not laid the proper/correct way.  Marriage is not easy, it's work!  But with the right foundation it can have an easier flow to it.   People ask me,  how I have been married for so long, we pick to be married even when we hit hard times, no matter what the hard times may look like & not being mad at the same time.  But there is much more to it.

Here are some steps that will help the foundation for a healthy marriage:
-Be emotionally mature, mentally mature, spiritually mature & physically mature
-know how to give & receive
-know what your healthy boundaries are & how to respect others boundaries
-know how to respect & give honor
-have self confidence
-communicate 
-leave your parents household (not to have a foot or both feet still there)
-grow into your own person, grow into an adult 
-learn how to be a spouse

Before marriage knowing how to build into a relationship will help build a strong foundation. Think about what kind of a person you want to marry.  What kind of a person do you want to be?  Do you share the same beliefs, morals & values?  What are you bringing to the marriage, good/bad stuff?  Have you meet the family? Do you value what the family think & say?  Do you trust the person you want to marry?  Did you build a relationship with the family?  

If you have some of the foundation built but not all of it, you can still fix it.  Both spouses will need to do the work for the foundation to be strong. 

If what I offer here is relevant to you in any way, please consider donating. As I tend to my family (disabled hubby and homeschooled kids) I write in my free time. No knitting here but I love Taco Bell now and then and your donations help keep the spicy food coming. Every donation is appreciated!!!

Donations are not tax deductible.

Marriage Part 1

Marriage what is it?  After all it is the goal for most people, some are driven to do it.  Some cultures have prearranged marriages. Some folks go to the court house to get hitched, some have large weddings to start their marriage, some have a small wedding & some are done outside at a park, on a boat, on the shore or in a back yard.  All that is not marriage but a ceremony that takes place in front of a pastor, priest or whatever you have for your religious leader, judge, family & friends. 

Marriage is a covenant, that is  between God, man & woman.   Marriage is a relationship between God, man & woman.  Marriage is a family institution rather than church & state.  In Genesis there was only God, Adam & Eve, this was the first marriage.  This was a plan for unity with God.  God created all it, this is where it is started, the foundation.   

Marriage has steps that must happen before marriage happens.  The steps help lay a foundation for marriage.  Marriage is an on going effort by both people involved till the day they die.  Sometimes days marriage is less effort than others that's a given.  Whatever your marriage vows were, you entered in to a covenant that is made to be everlasting.  I'm not here to past judgements on any marriages that may have failed.  That is none of my business. That is between God, the man & the woman.  

There will be more posts on Marriage.  This one is just the start.

If what I offer here is relevant to you in any way, please consider donating. As I tend to my family (disabled hubby and homeschooled kids) I write in my free time. No knitting here but I love Taco Bell now and then and your donations help keep the spicy food coming. Every donation is appreciated!!!

Donations are not tax deductible.