Unencumbered Life

Sunday, December 8, 2019

Unconditional Love

Unconditional love, what is it? Do you give unconditional love? Does your love have strings attached to it?

How do you know you have unconditional love? The love you have, do you have to do anything for it? Does anyone have to do anything for you for your love?

What is the meaning of unconditional love?

Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations, or love without conditions. This term is sometimes associated with other terms such as true altruism or complete love.

Unconditional love - Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org › wiki › Unconditional_love

If you have to do anything to receive love or if anyone has to do anything to receive love from you, that's not unconditional love. Unconditional love just flows from you & excepts nothing in return. It's a pure love.

Pure love that flows from you to all people no matter the color, gender, age, behavior (doesn't mean you agree with the behavior, just that you still love the person), or anything else that makes up people.

Unconditional love does not stop because we can not see eye to eye on the same subject matter. It's ok to disagree & still get along, "The root of unconditional love is understanding and forgiveness", (https://www.quora.com/What-are-some-examples-of-unconditional-love). Another example is found in the Bible, Jesus. Jesus gave unconditional love to every person in every town.

I pray that you have unconditional love & it flows through you freely!

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Sunday, December 1, 2019

Mental Illness

Mental Illness has many types and combinations that make for some interesting folks. Not to sound like I am making fun of or disrespecting anyone who is dealing with or has dealt with these issues. My heart goes out to all who have faced it, lived it, lived with it or is dealing with it.

   There are five major categories of mental illness. Within the major categories there can be subcategories. Then there can be combinations of any number of major and subcategories. When dealing with the combinations of mental illness it can be more difficult and can take longer to form a proper diagnosis. Some folks can live a lifetime struggling with mental illness & may not seek or receive help. That can destroy family relationships, jobs or any type of relationship.

   Mental Illness can be caused by trauma, abuse, virus, or the brain does not develop properly in the womb. The cause and type of mental illness can help determine the course of treatment. It's not an "easy fix".   Some might say there is no "fix" or "cure".   I agree to a point. There are so many things the medical teams do know & don't know about the brain, it's functions and it's inner workings.   However they are progressing.

   Mental Illness is a very complex thing. There is no easy way about it. For families that have a mentally ill loved one, life is a challenge.

   This post is just a scratch on the surface of the topic of mental illness. It is by no means an in depth answer for mental illness. This might just generate more questions. Mental illness can bring feelings of isolation both for afflicted and their loved ones. I am just trying to shine some light in an area that many people may feel uncomfortable talking about.   I hope more light will bring more knowledge. Knowledge is power. I encourage you to start these conversations with your loved ones and medical team

Mental Illness can leave people feeling very powerless & hopeless. I pray this will help start to fight the powerless & hopeless feelings you may have.

Donations are not tax deductible.

Sunday, November 17, 2019

Solace

Solace is define as:

"comfort in sorrow, misfortune, or trouble; alleviation of distress or discomfort.

something that gives comfort, consolation, or relief" (from https://www.dictionary.com/browse/solace)

Where do you find solace? Where does your peace come from? With the Holiday season coming up fast, what is your solace?

Here's a song from Living Color called "Solace of You" https://youtu.be/vIUke0CCvDs

In the Bible, Kings James Verse, speaks of solace in only one verse, it's

Proverbs 7:18

"Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves."
So God wants us to take solace with each other.

Donations are not tax deductible.

Sunday, November 10, 2019

Vertigo

It's been awhile since I have made a post.   I have been dealing with vertigo from my last ectopic pregnancy a year ago. As I made progress with the vertigo through physical therapy & vision therapy, I have had a set back from life events. It was just a set back but able to move forward still. Then an ear infection hit, which cause more dizziness & vertigo stuff. Ear infection did not want to leave without a good fight. Still working on healing from that.

With having vertigo for a year straight, I have had to learn how to do normal stuff without stirring up vertigo or I had to find the limit of where vertigo would start. It's a hit & miss. Normal activity has became a difficult progress to do. For example typing out this blog is taking me days to do. I'm unable to be on the computer for to long or read for more than 20 minutes a day. After the 20 minutes I'm done & need a nap to recover. Lots of naps have been taken in the past year.

Vertigo has changed my life. I have to stop & think about if it will cause dizziness, or how long can I do it before vertigo stirs up, is it worth the energy & time to invest in, how long will recovery take after doing something. These are only a small fraction of questions to think through when dealing with vertigo. Then the effects of vertigo tossed in with every day life stuff. Then if anything else is tossed in on top of that. All can be a bit overwhelming while learning how to deal with vertigo & praying it goes away as fast as it hit.

Then trying to explain to people you know what is going on with ya & why you can no longer do the things you use to. And not get depressed by what you can no longer do & not sure if you will be able to do it ever again. Feeling like your not yourself but you still have the desires to do all of it. Is very frustrating, overwhelming, depressing, exhausting, angry are just to mention a few emotions to deal with.

Having to deal with all the emotions plus the physical of vertigo is one crazy mess. Having people to support you & to help you through it all is life saving. If you are dealing with vertigo I hope you have a good support system around you to help you deal with the emotional stuff & the physical stuff.

Donations are not tax deductible.

Sunday, November 18, 2018

Ectopic Pregnanacy Number 2

What I'm about to share with you is very personal. I don't know many women who have had an ectopic pregnancy & talks about what they went through. I know I talked about the first ectopic pregnancy I went through with only a hand full of people. Not everyone knows what it is like to have one, thank God for that. I would like to share what I went through, so just may be, if someone else has gone through this or going through this may have some form of comfort & healing.

   A little back ground on me, getting pregnant has always been a challenge. It lead me on an emotional roller coaster. Doctors had no answer why I was having such a problem.   After all my first born was a honey moon baby.   Had a miscarriage between my oldest & youngest. Yes, I only have 2 children but had 5 pregnancies. There is a 6 year difference between my children.    After my second child, my husband had cancer & we did not know if we could even get pregnant after the cancer & the treatment for it. It was all unknown.

   Six years after the cancer, we got pregnant!!! We were so happy! Cloud nine!!!! Something that we started to think would not happen, due to the cancer/ treatment for it & whatever was going on with me.    Sad to say that joy was only a week long.    I started spotting & it all went down hill from there. I was put on bed rest. My worst enemy, bed rest. At that point we all were trying not to have a miscarriage happen. Little did we know it was ectopic. I never had an ectopic pregnancy before.

As the the story unfolds, I was in the hospital being told it was ectopic & there is nothing that can be done to save the baby. Now, they need to save me. Many tears, sorrow, heartache, disbelief that it was happening, betrayal & anger.

I was so anger at my body for not functioning right. I felt so betrayed by my body. How could it do this after how much we tried to get pregnant. We wanted this child & my body didn't put the egg where it needed to be. It didn't just kill my child but almost killed me. This was my feelings & thinking.

Besides the long road of physical healing, I had emotional healing to do to.   I had a great loving support system around me.   But I was in my own personal hell of long road to recovery.   I tried to let my body deal with the ectopic pregnancy on its own.   That added to the length of recovery.   Then my body went into a false pregnancy which added another level of emergency to my health. Had to go to the hospital & have my body get a chemo shot to wipe out everything & have my body reset itself.    Just to give me more frustration at my body for not working the way it should. Now healing is going to take even a longer time.

Fast forward, I healed physically & emotionally.   Built my body back up. Moving forward.   I came less mad at my body.   As more time went on I came to be at peace with my body.   I still feel sorrow for the baby that did not make it. My heart will ache for the baby.   I believe that is normal, I'm a mother that lost a child. My heart will be sad & ache for that child.

Now six years later after that whole ordeal, I'm in my mid 40's, husband had a head injury during the past six years, we wanted another baby, but not sure if it would even happen at this point.    Well it did happen.

We had even less time to rejoice over the pregnancy.    We found out in the morning I was pregnant. We knew that since the ectopic happen once that there was a chance it could happen again. So I called the doctor's right away. They wanted to check my hormones for the level to be 2000 before they would do ultrasound to see where the baby might be. We were praying for it to be in the right spot. They had me come in right away for the blood test.

I cried all the way the to the doctor's office. I did not want it to be another ectopic pregnancy & I did not want to be poked with needles. I hate needles!!!! I pulled it together to get the blood test done.    I'm now going to be poked till we get answers. I cried all the way home.   Thank God the test results will be known in two hours.

My results came in at 4000!!!!!!!!!   By the afternoon, I started bleeding & my side hurt. The doctor wanted me in asap!!! They need to do the ultrasound right away. That afternoon I had an appointment.   As the day went on, the bleeding was getting heavier. By the time I got to the doctor office, I knew this was another ectopic pregnancy.

The ultrasound confirmed what I feared was true.   I had to have emergency surgery.   I got to the doctor's office by 3pm, by 6pm that night, I was having surgery to save my life.   My head was spinning from how fast everything was going & had to go.   Not much time to think, process everything that was happening. Race was on!

Please keep in mind, I had a great support system from family & friends through this whole process. I was not alone going through this.   The medical team at the doctor's office & hospital took good care of me, also.

Now after surgery, in the recovery room, I felt the worst pain in my belly. Good news, my side did not hurt anymore or will ever hurt again. I had to have that fallopian tube removed, it was broken. But they had to also do a D&C, which I did not have the first time around. And they had to fill my stomach area with air so they can look around for any other damage. Thank God there was none. But now I have 3 like stab wounds on my belly to heal. The side area, was sore & tender same with my lower belly area but I did not realize the lower belly till a few days after. The area of the belly button, PAIN!!!!!   Pain like I never had before.   I never really thought about my belly button in my life, until now.

My body will heal, it's great like that. It will take time to heal but it will heal.    Let's talk about the emotions.

The week after the surgery, I had time to process what just happened. I was starting to hurt less physically. I had many tears roll down my face while my husband held me. I was sad that it was another ectopic pregnancy, frustrated it happened again, mad at my body for doing it again, sorrow from the lost of the life, relieved I didn't die, then guilt for feeling relieved.    Then the big emotion of feeling violated from the D&C.    Some of you might not understand the last one. It's ok, you don't have to.

I talked with my husband about all my emotions & cried through all of them while he held me.   I am very grateful that I let him in on how I was feeling & he was there to just hold me.   He was dealing with his own emotions & taking care of me. I had friends to talk to about my emotions & they listened & supported me, family was there too!! I had a great support team.   I'm forever grateful for them all.

On top of all that, my hormones went from 4000 to 49 in a week. That was not fun. I has coming off heavy pain pills, hormones dropped like a rock & dealing with the emotions & physical healing. Thank God for the support team I had, they carried me through it.   One day I was paranoid, of what not a clue, but it was giving me panic attacks. I felt so crazy, but it was "normal" for what I was going through.

Since my hormone level was not at zero I had to go back in a week to draw more blood. Gotta keep a close eye on the hormone level. Did not want another false pregnancy. Next week blood draw was 4.4!!!!! Are you kidding me!!!!! I had to go back for another blood draw.    It was closer to zero, but not at zero. But it was close enough for the doctors to feel I was in the clear & did not need to go back for another blood draw or another D&C. Thank God!!!!   No more needles.   Let the rejoicing begin!!!!!

Here's another little detail to add, I was dealing with low iron in a big way before the pregnancy & the surgery. I was working on building that up.   After all that I have a bit of a set back with that. But pushing forward!!!   That will be rebuilt in time.    Did I mention, I have really bad sleep apnea & the pain pills added to it & made it really hard to breathe.   I could not lay down & not have my breathing machine on, that was oddly scary.

Many different journey's all at once.   But with a great support team to help carry me through I was able to make it. God placed each one of the people who helped me in one shape or another to carry me through this journey.    I had a wonderful doctor take time a week after the surgery to answer all my questions & explain what happen to my body. He went to grab a medical book to show me pictures so I could understand better. I'm so grateful! I was one of the few that got an answer why the ectopic pregnancy happen. Normally it is unknown.

Sad to say not many ladies have the closer to know why their body acted like it did. My tube was not working right from the time I was developing in my mom's belly.   The other tube is running just fine I was told.   That is good news!   There is no answer why it did not develop normally during the time it should of, it just happened.

My emotions of betrayal & anger just melted away with the facts the doctor share with me. My body did not betray me. It was just broke in that area.   None of the emotions were wrong that I felt during this.    So much healing was had in a flash of a moment, from truth.

One of the big questions my husband & I now faced, was did we want to have another child?   With much taking with each other, looking at the facts before us was a journey in itself.     If we did not want to have more children what were we going to do about it?   So much more for us to walk out.


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Sunday, November 11, 2018

Covenants

In a world that consumes & throws away, when stuff is not made to last, how does that effect us? I did some digging about divorce rate. I found that divorce rate was on an upper climb but in recent years it was slowly come down. Which is good!! I was afraid to see that it was going to be at an all time high, thank God it was not. Gave me a little more hope about the world. Like the fire in the picture, lots of darkness with a a bursting of light.

   As I dug for facts I, came across a a web site, ( https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/), they had some interesting information.   Here are a few points I would like to share: divorce rates are about 40-50% of married couples in U.S., that is with them on a slowly climb down. Reason for divorce: Lack of commitment, argue too much, infidelity, married to young, unrealistic expectations, lack of equality in the relationship, lack of preparation of the marriage & abuse. Some marriages had multiples of the list that were causes for the marriages to end. Believe it or not abuse was the lesser percentage for reasons for ending a marriage. I was a bit surprised by that. I thought that would be at the top.   What does this all say about us as people on how we view marriage/relationships?

   Do we leave at the first sign of a problem?   Are we lacking the ability to communicate with each other? Are we not valuing the covenant of marriage?    Do we know how to make things last? For the record, if you are in an abuse relationship get help right away!!!   Safety first!!!!   But the other stuff seems to me stuff that can be worked out.

   Find married people who are happy in their marriage & ask them how they are happy & what are they doing to stay together when things get rough.

Donations are not tax deductible.

Sunday, November 4, 2018

Desire

Desire..... what do we know about it? It could be something as simple as having an deep longing of something, a want or a wish.

What do you desire? Do you have a list of things that you desire to do, go, have or see? What is your plan to achieve your desires? Do any of your desires conflict with each other? That is ok. I would try not to go for or do them at them same time. If you need help building a list, contact me.

Donations are not tax deductible.